I watched the film ‘Secretary’ because someone I follow on Instagram was bigging it up. Warning – there will be spoilers.

I was actually gobsmacked at the lazy stereotypes and lack of understanding around mental health. At the beginning we see the female lead, Lee, leave a hospital where she has been receiving treatment for her mental health. Her doctor gives her a lingering kiss on the cheek goodbye which is an instant red flag to me that she doesn’t have boundaries with men.

We soon learn that Lee self harms which appears linked to the fact that her dad has a problem with alcohol and her mum is in an unhappy marriage. The self harm scene at the beginning wound me up because she puts a fucking kettle on her thigh and then the next minute she’s in the swimming pool. No marks, no apparent distress that chlorine is burning into an open wound. It both dampened and glorified the harm part of self harm.

Lee learns how to type and gets a job as a secretary which she barely interviews for. After some odd questioning, Lee is offered the job. When she starts, she sees another woman in the bathroom and asks her what a paralegal is. Lee is ignored (presumably because it confirms to this woman that Lee has been hired for the wrong reasons). Lee doesn’t seem phased by the lack of response (potentially as she is used to it) then finds the paralegal’s eyeshadow and applies it like a little girl putting her mum’s make up on.

We then see Lee climb into a massive bin because Mr Grey has ‘lost’ some files. When he sees her in the bin he has to do some sit ups. Presumably because her submissive behaviour is turning him on so he needs to burn off some sexual energy. He’s testing how far he can push her and he’s enjoying it.

Lee’s Dad calls her at work, drunk, and she immediately gets out her tools to hurt herself. Mr Grey sees her and tells her she should feel free to discuss her problems with him. He outright asks about the self harm (which is good) and then gives her hot chocolate (like a little girl). Lee feels safe and understood so agrees when she is told she won’t cut herself ever again. He tells her to look after herself and take a walk in the fresh air. Then just as things are looking hopeful he takes a picture of her (weird) before she walks home feeling gladly under his control.

Mr Grey treats Lee like a strict parent. He tells her off for her typing errors, he tells her the way she dresses is disgusting, he says she she sniffles and has other bad habits. He controls her food intake and her family look on in confused silence. This is a woman who has known mental health problems who is now displaying new, unhealthy behaviours. And no one says a thing. No wonder the poor woman just wants to be seen.

After putting Lee down massively Mr Grey spanks her like a naughty child. Lee’s frail shoulders are round her ears most of the time and she seems to have little self confidence. It feels like he’s taking advantage of her vulnerability. She is full of shame, so despite appearing afraid of him at times, she is grateful to be punished and grateful for the pain.

When Lee does something Mr Grey approves of he gives her the praise and attention she desperately craves and doesn’t get from her parents. Lee is so eager to please that we don’t really know who she is as a person as we only see who she thinks her parents and then Mr Grey want her to be. He’s a fucking predator. And she’s into him because her dad’s an alcoholic. What a cliche.

When Lee sees her dad in hospital, she is understandably distressed. She can’t self harm (she’s been told not to) so she goes to see Mr Grey for a sesh instead, but he turns her away. He then acts like nothing has even happened between them. He fully gaslights her.

In an attempt to win his attention back, Lee gets a professional sexy picture taken as a gift to him which we don’t see a reaction to. So she puts a fucking worm in a letter and sends it to him . Again, like a naughty child needing parental attention. He then draws round the worm manically in his big red pen (wink) before calling Lee into his office and having a wank over her bare arse. She looks at him with such heartbreak and disappointment before then going to the toilet and having a wank herself. Even though she’s masturbating it doesn’t seem completely sexual. She’s fantasising about being needed, being valued, being seen. We all want that. Even the paralegal in the next stall seems to get it.

Mr Grey is ashamed of himself and burns the photos of all his past secretaries (past victims?) and then he fires Lee and tells her about all her bad habits. Again. What a fucking prick. Maybe he thinks he’s protecting her. They’re sort of as bad as each other which I think is an approach the film was aiming for – ‘devotion through dysfunction’. I.e. trauma bonding. It’s nice that they find each other, but they haven’t resolved anything. They develop a codependency where Lee is the submissive and Mr Grey is the dominant.

Lee agrees to marry someone else but then goes to profess her love to Mr Grey whilst wearing her fiancé’s mother’s wedding dress (more compliant behaviour). Mr Grey tells Lee to put her hands on the desk then calls her fiancé, Peter, to tell him she’s there (another test). Peter turns up, they have a fight and Lee tells him to get out. Mr Grey is watching the whole time, pleased as punch.

Lee stays there, hands on the table, for days in what is described by press as a ‘hunger strike’ rather than what it is – extreme submission to prove herself to a man who has abandoned her. We see Lee piss herself before being visited by several people who all have a different opinion about what she’s doing. The only person she responds to, you guessed it, is her dad. It’s like a dream sequence that ends in the permission from the one person she needs to hear it from.

Lee talks to a journalist about her suffering and being able to share it with someone else who she loves. Mr Grey reads the article and drives to the office where Lee is still positioned where he left her. He feeds her a milkshake and then carries her upstairs where he undresses and baths her (definitely needed at this point). We see Lee’s scarred body and she describes feeling seen and feeling beautiful.

Lee and Mr Grey get married and live happily ever after. We see them have sex against a tree on their honeymoon and then Lee is back up to her old tricks when he returns to work. The threat of losing his attention again leads her to put a dead cockroach in his bed that he will find (and punish her for) when he gets home. Lee waves her new husband off and then long stares into the camera. A truly bizarre ending.

I know it’s supposed to be a comedy but it’s not hugely funny. Maybe I’m too sensitive because it’s too close to home (alcoholic dad and mental breakdown) but someone’s either got mental health very wrong or has got a shit sense of humour. Films like this keep Freud’s ghost alive, at least. The film has been compared to 50 Shades of Grey which is an obvious connection, but one I would dismiss as the latter isn’t based on unresolved trauma.

There’s an implication that mentally ill people are into Sadomasochism. Self harm is an attempt to relieve emotional distress. Sadomasochism is about pleasure. And whilst some people who are into S&M might have a history of self harm, it shouldn’t be portrayed as a natural progression. And it isn’t an alternative to actual therapy.

The main pros for me are that it’s got ‘I’m Your Man’ by Leonard Cohen in it and also, Mr Grey dials his phone using a dart. Which I enjoyed immensely.